A · liff

I always said I would never re-post anything that a fellow live journaler posted, but Graham Linehan scored a blinder with this one from George Takei via you tube.

ONIONS AND CHRISTMAS TREES

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts.

In her 20s, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions".

"Onions?" "Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well, dear, a man goes through three phases.

In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree".

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes - dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration."  Courtesy of leedsutdmad

This is Cameron, my son, and his mates and their stop motion film Park Antics. Filmed entirely on location in Driffield, East Yorkshire.
P.S. He's the one in the beaney.

Yes. Manics at Leeds University, 9th May gerrin! Now if the Whites can beat Palace this weekend it should shape up to a  good weekend.
Trying to get the job at Hook finished but again weather is proving the building contracor's nemesis.
On another note I think I am getting Silly Old Bastard Disease, bought Norah Jones CD for the Mrs thinking it was Amy Winehouse. Didn't realize until I put it on at home and the first track was nearly over. My dad suffers terrible from SOBD and I'm 38, so is this where it begins?

Having read Kaleem Aftab's brilliant attack on the Baftas 'Gong to the dogs' in today's Independent, I am of the opinion that certain marketing people in the film industry should be inserted into members of bafta, sideways.

I was working some Yorkshire limestone today for a pediment on a doorway of a Regency stately home in Hook, East Yorkshire. It was built by some captain who later became an Admiral who was at Trafalgar with Nelson,it's called Hook Hall (the stately home), which sounds like cockney rhyming slang.
I really like the guy who owns it, (well he pays on time), but he has had a fucking awful time with the building trade in general,
the poor feller has been ripped off more times than soft nick.
It makes me more determined top do a top class job for him, but the bloody weather isn't helping at the mo ( you can't fix with lime mortar under 3 degrees c.)
Any hoo, enough work talk for today the wife wants me to watch some shite about a lass who wants to be size 0, this really pisses me off  because I remember Lucy Davies out of the office was really bonny, until she went to fucking Hollywood and became a Victoria Beckham clone,
(You could say now she's really bony).
What are the so called beautiful people doing to our youth.
(oops sorry, a Richard Littlejohn moment there).

What really gets my goat is that TV planners in this country forget the rich comic history at their fingertips.
I grew up on this stuff,  every school holiday there was always classics like this on. Kids love this stuff, it's timeless and way better than the cheap crap they dish out to kids now. Forget turkey twislers, kids these days need a strict diet of good comedy.

I've just finished reading  the first 5 volumes of Robert Kirkmans The Walking Dead. I 've never yet read a more satisfyingly pacy well written comic, a character study of a few survivors in a zombie infested world, Image comics blurb puts it way better than I could;

Stripped of every luxury of the 21st century, with no law and no government, how does mankind survive? Though The Walking Dead features thousands of zombies chopping on flesh, this is not a horror story. The zombie dilemma (the origins of which remain a mystery) is merely a means to examine our relationships. Zombies appear in pretty much every issue, but what makes The Walking Dead great is that the zombies are never the story. This is a human drama showcasing the best and the worst of society.